At The End of All Things
by dinenwen
Summary: Govinda thought he would follow Siddhartha to the end of the world. Tonight they're parting forever. SiddharthaxGovinda


As Govinda follows his friend through the woods he can't help but marvel at Siddhartha, his smooth back and lanky gait. Govinda knows this will be the last day, the last time, the last possibility. Tomorrow Siddhartha will leave following his soul, his self, down some hidden path. Govinda will take up the yellow robe and lose his friend forever.

They walk together neither speaking, wandering through the woods. Occasionally they lie down, side by side, trying to sleep, chaste and silent. But neither can get quite comfortable and their parting hangs between them in the bitter sweetness of Siddhartha's lips. Good byes are everywhere, in every leaf, every twig. Every birdsong speaks of their last night together and the wind whispers of their parting.

Govinda doesn't understand, can't comprehend how his friend could see the holiness in the Buddha and not love him, not feel such a connection. Govinda has followed in Siddhartha's footsteps all his life. This view of Siddhartha striding toward some new challenge is so familiar. He remembers as a boy loving his friend from a distance. Siddhartha was faster, stronger, brighter than him and Govinda couldn't quite understand what drove Siddhartha to choose him. All he knows is that in those early days being with Siddhartha, loving him was so absolutely right. How could it be wrong? How could…?

They stop in a clearing lit by the waning moon and Govinda gazes at Siddhartha. Once more he is struck by the incredible beauty of his friend, striking features made all the more noticeable for the mat of dirty hair, the tangled beard, all that comes with the aesthetic lifestyle they have left behind. Govinda longs for those early days, awkward boys coming together with a tentative kiss. Breaking apart at the approach of a Brahman. He remembers the small gifts they left each other, scraps of parchment, feathers and particularly striking pebbles. He doesn't know what to call what they had but he knows it was a something and he longs for that blessed release once more

Siddhartha is worried. Govinda has already wept at this, their last parting and he doesn't know how to tell him or show him that he too is saddened. He looks down at Govinda and once more feels his heart lurch at his friend, newly bald and looking suddenly so foreign. Govinda has never been attractive per say but Siddhartha remembers the day he realized they'd chosen each other, perfect companions. A love of the flesh, yes, but beyond that, it is a romance of the spirit, two souls embracing and dancing as one.

Siddhartha remembers the bliss he experienced when they were in each others arms. How he longs for that moment again. He leans closer to his friend and brushes Govinda's lips with his. The two come together, years of penance hungrily forgotten. Siddhartha thinks that Govinda tastes of sorrow, Govinda, the "shy one" with so much hidden passion. As their lips search for truth Govinda always so humble, always so ready to take what life brings opens his mouth and Siddhartha enters tentatively at first but with more certainty as forgotten experience guides him.

Locked in an embrace the two chase demons away tongues wrestling and hearts racing, eye to eye, chest to chest.

Siddhartha has fire in his blood and he's impatient, always searching for more. Govinda bites Siddhartha's lip and murmurs "slow down, relax, … last time" into his friend's ear. He runs his mouth in a wet trail down Siddhartha's neck, stopping for only a moment to suck his collarbone and then down, ever down. Siddhartha shivers. He is ready for what he knows will come next and his body convulses. "Has it always been this cold" he wonders goose bumps prickling as Govinda reaches his destination and takes him into his mouth. Govinda is unsure, he has forgotten much and he sucks clumsily struggling to find a rhythm. Siddhartha shudders, years of passion newly ignited. Govinda's tendering increases in fervor and Siddhartha is gone past the point of thought and feeling and searching.

He climaxes with a shudder and a thrust as Govinda slowly finishes. Siddhartha embraces his friend and they stand together not speaking just holding each other. Siddhartha smiles and thinks "how right this all feels". This, this final tryst with Govinda is the closest he's been to nirvana and there at the end they are one with Atman and all is as it should be. Tomorrow they will part, perhaps forever but somehow, after tonight tomorrow seems but another change, no longer an imposing incontrovertible doom. All is transitory and the time of their parting shall come.

But tonight, tonight they are content to just be. A tear slides down Govinda's cheek. Siddhartha opens his mouth and catches it on his tongue a salty reminder of good byes to come.

But not yet.


End file.
